she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
