you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
