Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
