Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
