Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
