no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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