Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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