My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
