Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
