youre lurking in front of me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
