Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I enjoy the company of your penis
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
