So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
please come you make the beer taste better
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is Oprah even human
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
