No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
