Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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