Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Everything about him screamed your future.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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