We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
bring money and cleavage
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
