So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We talked him into tasing himself.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
