it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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