So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize