Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
