before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
