There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just had sex on a roof
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
