i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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