i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize