i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
