Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
