I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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