Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need to align my fucking chakras
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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