She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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