I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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