I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize