Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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