I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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