i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
