yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
