It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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