I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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