Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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