I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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