Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im six kinds of drunk right now
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
