tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
