ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
