How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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