I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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