hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize