My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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