If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
