She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
