Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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