So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
