Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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