remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
