I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
