operation have a gay friend backfired
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
