every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
