I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
