You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
