dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
