Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
