I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
