4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
