Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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