I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
