I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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