It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
