My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize