he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
