it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
