he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize