well you can't waste a boner
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
