Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
