she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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