she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
