i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
as a side note pls kill me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
