so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
