Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
